That's got to sound a little weird, I admit, but I know of no other way to express the way I feel right now.
Last December, my little Olympus camera died, and with everything that came after, I never got around to getting it fixed or replaced. You can argue my skill as a photographer, but I love to take pictures, and it's another form of expression that helps keep me grounded.
2011 was a rough year, and my opportunities for photography have been few, but that's in the past. My Dad was generous enough to send me WalMart gift card for Xmas, and I used it and some of my own money to buy a new camera. I got a Fujifim FinePix T190. Real photographers will no doubt scoff at my toy. I, on the other hand am very happy. Thanks, Dad.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Just a Thought
"Statistically, the probability of any one of us being here is so small that the mere fact of our existence should keep us all in a state of contented dazzlement." - Lewis Thomas
I don't know about the rest of you, but statements like that give me a little endorphin rush. Would anyone else like to share in my wondrous tizzy?
I don't know about the rest of you, but statements like that give me a little endorphin rush. Would anyone else like to share in my wondrous tizzy?
Monday, October 31, 2011
Happy Halloween!
Two years ago I went out dressed for Halloween in an actual costume. I was hoping to get back out again this year, but work intervened. I was planning to resurrect the witch idea, with a new corset top, pointy shoes and some spiderweb tights I picked out, but it wasn't to be. I got another idea for a costume I could have worn to work, but they don't do that around here, so I came to work in the costume I wear every other day. It's especially grating because my family are hosting a themed party at home. All the kids are dressing up, and the adults too, I think. Dinner is potluck, but my sister was making up deviled eggs when I left this afternoon. I do hope they save me some.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Not Digging the New Blogger Interface
Yet I must soldier on here, unless I want to start all over someplace else. I'm sure this looks awesome for people who write their blogs on 4G phones and netbooks. It's massively streamlined, and I suppose it might grow upon me, though hopefully not like fungus or anything.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
My Pink Bag
When I posted the other day, I couldn't find the bag in question on the Target site. That's because I was looking in the clearance section, and this bag isn't supposed to be on clearance.
My New Purse
And I got it for 50% off!
My New Purse
And I got it for 50% off!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Of Bags and Gender
This post has been brewing for a while. The seeds were planted last month, but the material didn't reach a meaningful conclusion until yesterday. I'll try to make some sense here.
Back in the late 90s I began to carry a shoulder bag back and forth to work. This came about because I gradually felt the need to carry more and more items to work at my various positions. I began carrying a bagged lunch. Then I added a notebook, a cellphone, a handful of small tools and various odds and ends. There have been a number of these bags. I've had tote bags, a couple of satchels, and a succession of laptop bags that have rarely carried laptops.
During the same period my working wardrobe began to evolve. I've mentioned before how limited my male wardrobe has become. At positions where uniforms weren't provided, I've worn my own clothes, usually a combination of male button-down shirts with female slacks. Most of those slacks have no pockets to speak of, so I'd gotten into the habit of carrying my wallet, phone, coins and anything else in the aforementioned bag. I've often jokingly referred to this bag as my "man purse". Sometimes this generates some ribbing, but it's all in fun, and I just smile my way through.
During the time I was out of work, my Green Dot card lapsed from non-use, and I've yet to sort out a new banking option since I started the new job. One week I cashed my paycheck, and the very next day someone went through my bag at work and stole the cash. No one understood why my wallet wasn't in my pants. No one questioned my gender, but I got a lot of funny looks. A couple of people asked me point-blank why I didn't carry my wallet in my pants. I just told them it was an old habit. That same day I received my new uniforms, including two pairs of khaki pants. Since that time, I've gone back to carrying my wallet in my pocket. No one has robbed me since, but what's the cost to my sense of self?
I've spent the last weeks plotting my return to the world en femme. You'll remember that I was planning to do so back in August, but the time got away from me. I had planned to go out for the Skeptics' event last weekend, but a series of mishaps caused me to miss my bus, and I wasn't able to secure another ride, so I didn't go out. There's a reception Friday night for a show opening at the FSU Museum that I'm planning to attend. The show is called "Cute and Creepy". Sounds like it's right up my alley, doesn't it?
The various elements of my femme wardrobe are scattered hither and yon, with most of my clothes and shoes at the store in Havana, and my purses and other bags at the storage site here in Tallahassee, which we can't get into at the moment. Yesterday I browsed the clearance racks at Target looking for a purse. I found a cute bag at the right price, but I wavered on actually buying it, because it's PINK. For some reason I've never been comfortable with that color. I think it goes back to childhood, when the color was associated with sissies. That was a long time ago, and I know the color has acquired lots of positive connotations in the meantime. Pink is associated with the breast cancer awareness/cure campaign. I've just never been comfortable wearing it. Am I strong enough to bear a pink bag? We'll see. I'm going back to Target this afternoon to buy the purse.
Before I go, I thought I'd share links for the art show and other related topics.
Cute and Creepy
The curator's site
Susan G. Komen for the Cure
Back in the late 90s I began to carry a shoulder bag back and forth to work. This came about because I gradually felt the need to carry more and more items to work at my various positions. I began carrying a bagged lunch. Then I added a notebook, a cellphone, a handful of small tools and various odds and ends. There have been a number of these bags. I've had tote bags, a couple of satchels, and a succession of laptop bags that have rarely carried laptops.
During the same period my working wardrobe began to evolve. I've mentioned before how limited my male wardrobe has become. At positions where uniforms weren't provided, I've worn my own clothes, usually a combination of male button-down shirts with female slacks. Most of those slacks have no pockets to speak of, so I'd gotten into the habit of carrying my wallet, phone, coins and anything else in the aforementioned bag. I've often jokingly referred to this bag as my "man purse". Sometimes this generates some ribbing, but it's all in fun, and I just smile my way through.
During the time I was out of work, my Green Dot card lapsed from non-use, and I've yet to sort out a new banking option since I started the new job. One week I cashed my paycheck, and the very next day someone went through my bag at work and stole the cash. No one understood why my wallet wasn't in my pants. No one questioned my gender, but I got a lot of funny looks. A couple of people asked me point-blank why I didn't carry my wallet in my pants. I just told them it was an old habit. That same day I received my new uniforms, including two pairs of khaki pants. Since that time, I've gone back to carrying my wallet in my pocket. No one has robbed me since, but what's the cost to my sense of self?
I've spent the last weeks plotting my return to the world en femme. You'll remember that I was planning to do so back in August, but the time got away from me. I had planned to go out for the Skeptics' event last weekend, but a series of mishaps caused me to miss my bus, and I wasn't able to secure another ride, so I didn't go out. There's a reception Friday night for a show opening at the FSU Museum that I'm planning to attend. The show is called "Cute and Creepy". Sounds like it's right up my alley, doesn't it?
The various elements of my femme wardrobe are scattered hither and yon, with most of my clothes and shoes at the store in Havana, and my purses and other bags at the storage site here in Tallahassee, which we can't get into at the moment. Yesterday I browsed the clearance racks at Target looking for a purse. I found a cute bag at the right price, but I wavered on actually buying it, because it's PINK. For some reason I've never been comfortable with that color. I think it goes back to childhood, when the color was associated with sissies. That was a long time ago, and I know the color has acquired lots of positive connotations in the meantime. Pink is associated with the breast cancer awareness/cure campaign. I've just never been comfortable wearing it. Am I strong enough to bear a pink bag? We'll see. I'm going back to Target this afternoon to buy the purse.
Before I go, I thought I'd share links for the art show and other related topics.
Cute and Creepy
The curator's site
Susan G. Komen for the Cure
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Current Events
Has it been a month again? I'm starting to think I should change the title of this blog again, if only to reflect its episodic nature. "Jaye-Walking: Only Published As Often As the Author Can Collect Her Thoughts." Hmm. That doesn't roll off the tongue quite as trippingly as it could. Anyway, more about me. ;)
Note that in the above paragraph I referred to myself in the feminine. I may live my day-to-day as a man, but I'm definitely in a more feminine frame of mind. Speaking of feminine frames, I've lost weight. I'm told that eight hours a day on your feet will do that for you, but I've been walking a lot lately, too. I'm learning my way around the Tallahassee transit system, and it's getting me where I need to go, but the nearest boarding points are a nice three-mile hike from the house. All the exercise is good for me right? I'm also sleeping and eating better, too. I haven't abandoned the junk food (y'all know me better than that), but I haven't been gorging myself, either. In case anyone's counting, I weighed in this afternoon at 200.
I'm still taking my meds, but I haven't been to see any doctors yet. When I first went to the hospital, I was staying in Havana, so my case worker lined me up with a clinic in nearby Quincy. I don't have my own transport, and my sister's been down to one car for most of the last six weeks, so it's been hard to get anywhere that's not on the bus line. I will call her tomorrow and see if I can reschedule for something here in town. I would have done it sooner, but my cellphone has been weird lately. It has the annoying habit of switching itself into airplane mode unbidden. I didn't even know what that was until yesterday, or how to turn it off, and almost a week with no cellphone was more annoying than the same period with no antidepressants.
While I'm talking about cellphones, it's time to get a new one. Somewhere I have a New Yorker cartoon that shows a woman in a store asking for a phone "that doesn't do anything". That was me for a long time. A phone was just a communications device, for voice talking and nothing else. Slowly, I twigged to all of the other things phones can do these days, and I learned the concept of phone envy. I was using a nice 3G phone that had been confiscated from one of my nieces. That niece was given phone privileges again and I received a downgrade. I'm not a phone snob, by any stretch, but when this line comes up for renewal next month, I'm getting a new phone if I have to pay for it.
I really need to do some shopping. I trolled through the mall again a couple of days ago, and saw some of the prettiest clothes I've seen in ages. If I'd been dolled up to shop, I might've gotten to try some things on, but I barely got the time of day from the salespeople I interacted with.
Let's end this thing on a positive note, shall we? Friday afternoon I was browsing in the local Big Lots, trying to not buy anything (my latest pastime). The in-store Muzak system started to play Feist's "1234". It's such a happy, jaunty song, and I started to dance around the store. It was just a little soft-shoe at first, but by the second verse I was actually dancing through the aisles. I couldn't help myself. I was goofy and giddy and I didn't care. One can only imagine what the guy watching the security feed was thinking. C'mon, you know you want to join me.
Note that in the above paragraph I referred to myself in the feminine. I may live my day-to-day as a man, but I'm definitely in a more feminine frame of mind. Speaking of feminine frames, I've lost weight. I'm told that eight hours a day on your feet will do that for you, but I've been walking a lot lately, too. I'm learning my way around the Tallahassee transit system, and it's getting me where I need to go, but the nearest boarding points are a nice three-mile hike from the house. All the exercise is good for me right? I'm also sleeping and eating better, too. I haven't abandoned the junk food (y'all know me better than that), but I haven't been gorging myself, either. In case anyone's counting, I weighed in this afternoon at 200.
I'm still taking my meds, but I haven't been to see any doctors yet. When I first went to the hospital, I was staying in Havana, so my case worker lined me up with a clinic in nearby Quincy. I don't have my own transport, and my sister's been down to one car for most of the last six weeks, so it's been hard to get anywhere that's not on the bus line. I will call her tomorrow and see if I can reschedule for something here in town. I would have done it sooner, but my cellphone has been weird lately. It has the annoying habit of switching itself into airplane mode unbidden. I didn't even know what that was until yesterday, or how to turn it off, and almost a week with no cellphone was more annoying than the same period with no antidepressants.
While I'm talking about cellphones, it's time to get a new one. Somewhere I have a New Yorker cartoon that shows a woman in a store asking for a phone "that doesn't do anything". That was me for a long time. A phone was just a communications device, for voice talking and nothing else. Slowly, I twigged to all of the other things phones can do these days, and I learned the concept of phone envy. I was using a nice 3G phone that had been confiscated from one of my nieces. That niece was given phone privileges again and I received a downgrade. I'm not a phone snob, by any stretch, but when this line comes up for renewal next month, I'm getting a new phone if I have to pay for it.
I really need to do some shopping. I trolled through the mall again a couple of days ago, and saw some of the prettiest clothes I've seen in ages. If I'd been dolled up to shop, I might've gotten to try some things on, but I barely got the time of day from the salespeople I interacted with.
Let's end this thing on a positive note, shall we? Friday afternoon I was browsing in the local Big Lots, trying to not buy anything (my latest pastime). The in-store Muzak system started to play Feist's "1234". It's such a happy, jaunty song, and I started to dance around the store. It was just a little soft-shoe at first, but by the second verse I was actually dancing through the aisles. I couldn't help myself. I was goofy and giddy and I didn't care. One can only imagine what the guy watching the security feed was thinking. C'mon, you know you want to join me.
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