Not That Bad, Really

Depression is a funny thing.  I don't mean that it's entertaining, though I suppose that it can be.  What I do mean is that it's an up-and-down situation.  Last Sunday I was feeling down on myself, but Saturday was actually a pretty good day, and it took some introspection to recognize it for what it was.  20/20 hindsight is nice, but I wouldn't mind being able to seeing the good for what it is, when it is.

Last Saturday I spent my time at the first ever Florida Secular Rally.  We got off to a bit of a late start (the stage wasn't delivered until late), but a good time was had by all.  There were speeches from various luminaries of the secular/atheist movement, entertainment by Shelley Segal and Greydon Square.  We had some of the best food truck catering on the planet, courtesy of Sir Cheezy and The Great American Sandwich Station.  I got to spend the day with some really awesome people, all of whom were totally okay with me en femme (and they all used the correct pronouns).

Oddly enough, there was one trans blogger there, and I watched her presentation, but somehow never worked up the nerve to introduce myself.  That was Zinnia Jones, and you'll find a link to her blog on the right side of the page here.  I am embarrassed that I had never heard of her before this event was organized.  Months ago, I was asked if I knew any LGBT bloggers who wrote about the secular life, and I all but drew a blank.  I knew of Greta Christina, but knowing of is not knowing, if you know what I mean.  The months whizzed by, and one of the organizers told me they got Zinnia Jones, and I said "Who?"  Anyway, her bit is on Youtube, and you can see it here.

True story: all night long, people came up to me at the after party and told me they loved my presentation.  Zinnia looked to be about six inches shorter than me, with long dark hair.  I was dressed all in black, with only my flaming red hair to break up the monochromatic theme.  I don't know how anyone could have confused us, but if I must resemble someone else, I could do a lot worse.

Pulling the Plug

I don't know if anyone still reads this thing, but I am thinking of quitting.  My writing has been the most sporadic since I started this thing, despite almost my almost universal access to the web.  It's not that I don't have anything else to say; it's just that I don't know if anyone is reading the blog.  My last few posts generated a little feedback on Facebook, and a few of them have picked up +1s from Google+, but I don't think anyone is reading the actual blog.  I haven't fielded a single comment all year, and that hurts.

I realize that I began this blog as yet another trans blog (did you know there is an actual Yet Another Trans Girl Blog out there?) in a crowd that was already jam-packed.  Starting a blog was not the wellspring of inspiration I thought it would be.  I thought that having an outlet for my writing would be enough, and for a time it was.  My Muse bailed on me, though, and lately I have lacked the will to scale Parnassus to find her.  See what I just wrote there?  I CAN do this, it's just grown so damned hard.  I could write, ad infinitum, about my ongoing love of video games, but I've gotten the sense no one wants to read that stuff here.  There are scores of dedicated gamer blogs, blessedly unencumbered by the author's gender identity hang-ups.  Ditto for any of the other things that have captured my fancy over the years.  There are other sources for that stuff.  Anything new to see here?  Probably not.

The end of this blog isn't set in stone or anything.  I just need to know if I still have an audience.  I'm likely to write a little something later this month, if for no other reason because Bioware are releasing a new downloadable content pack for Mass Effect 3, and I may feel compelled to say a little something about it.  If anyone actually is still reading me, please, please drop me a line.  I'd even accept a well-worded rant at this point.