Friday, December 28, 2012


Last Saturday, I was invited to a party held by my friends Troy and River.  They called it the "Post-Mayan Apocalypse Zombie Solstice Party".  What a name, eh?  I attended the party they held last year in my male guise.  As I have been trying to get out more in my femme persona, that's how I went this time around.

I wore a "Christmas" sweater which has languished in my closet since last year.  It's teal and it glitters.  I wore the sweater over a pair of purple skinny jeans, with my grey boots.  I've got one decent picture of myself from that night:

I did my nails specially for the night: one coat of Spoiled "I Don't Drink Cheap Wine" (sort of magenta) and a second coat of Spoiled "Ants in My Pants" (clear red with glitter).  I was pleased with the effect.

Where they live is not far off one of the major bus routes, so I knew I could get there using public transportation.  Halfway to my transfer point, the bus broke down.  A nice gentleman from Star Metro came out and picked me up along with another passenger in a van, and promised to deliver us to our destinations.  Through the whole experience, the transit guy spoke of me as "that woman, her and she" and addressed me as "Ma'am".  Not all of my encounters with government employees have been so polite, or so positive.  Can
I borrow a phrase from my British friends and say that I was chuffed, or is that too masculine?

The party was great.  Troy and River have lots of friends, and there was a lot of food and drink, and a bonfire and...  Yeah, it was great. I had a wonderful conversation with a woman there whose child is Ftm.  I got a few compliments on my outfit.  The food was incredible.  A good time was had by all.

Yesterday was my third therapy session.  By mutual agreement with her, I attended en femme.  It was COLD yesterday, so I dressed simply in a blue sweater, skinny jeans (not the purple ones) and my boots.  At the start of our session, she told me that I seemed the most like myself of all the times I had come to see her.  Our discussion was wide-ranging, covering many topics, and not just those related to being trans.  I did speak a bit about that, though.  We talked about music, and dancing.  She gave me a "homework" assignment: I am to dance for at least fifteen minutes every day.  Would that all of my past homework assignments were so easy.

On Transfolk

Here's a link to a thoughtful, well-written piece from a writer I very much admire.  Please give it a read:

On Transfolk

Friday, December 21, 2012

Going Forward, Finally

Back in May I wrote a piece I called Beginning Again, For the First Time, wherein I expressed hopeful feelings about my future, and expected developments in my transition.  Well, to make the long story short, spring became summer and eventually autumn, and no progress was made of any kind.  At least not the kind intended.  I think I've said before that depression is all kinds of fun, and I failed to treat mine in a responsible fashion.  That is now in the past.

In November, I started attending the meetings of Transgender Tallahassee, the local support group.  Later in the month, I went back to Apalachee Center to refill my scrips, and discovered that my case worker had retired.  I got to meet my new case worker, and she immediately scheduled me to see a counselor.  We've had two sessions, and I'm going back to see her next week.

In the midst of all this goodness, I lost my job.  Yes, again.  Back in October, a guest vaguely complained that I was "rude and unprofessional".  I don't remember it that way, but the complaint came in the form of a guest survey, so the event generated a written warning and my working hours were slashed.  After a couple of weeks of working two or three shifts, I was informed of more complaints and given the boot.  I had about sixty seconds of dark, dark thinking, but I took a couple of deep breaths and kept going.  I've registered with the local employment agency and have dropped applications and resumes at all of the hotels in the neighborhood of the old place.  I've even applied at non-hotel jobs, because I need to work.

I think I understand the AA theory of taking things one day at a time.