Tomorrow after the rest of the family get back from church, we're going to the beach. For all the time I was living in Virginia, I never got around to the beach. Once, on a trip up from Charlotte, I drove out to the shore, shucked my shoes and ran down into the surf shouting, "Thalassa! Thalassa! at the top of my lungs, but that was almost seven years ago. I haven't been on a traditional beach outing since sometime in the early 90s. Why is complicated.
Going to the beach brings out all of my insecurities regarding my self image. As a man, I'm not in the greatest shape. I'm doughy around the middle, but I don't look like a beached whale or anything. The problem is, I just don't like to be seen that way. I know that I am no bathing beauty, and this body of mine has no place on the beach in a woman's swimsuit, but I just can't see going into the water in anything else. One of my housemates offered to get me a swimsuit, but I told her I wasn't going into the water. Part of me wants to, to have fun with my nephews, but I can't do it.
Should I even go?