Of Bags and Gender

This post has been brewing for a while.  The seeds were planted last month, but the material didn't reach a meaningful conclusion until yesterday.  I'll try to make some sense here.

Back in the late 90s I began to carry a shoulder bag back and forth to work.  This came about because I gradually felt the need to carry more and more items to work at my various positions.  I began carrying a bagged lunch.  Then I added a notebook, a cellphone, a handful of small tools and various odds and ends.  There have been a number of these bags.  I've had tote bags, a couple of satchels, and a succession of laptop bags that have rarely carried laptops.

During the same period my working wardrobe began to evolve.  I've mentioned before how limited my male wardrobe has become.  At positions where uniforms weren't provided, I've worn my own clothes, usually a combination of male button-down shirts with female slacks.  Most of those slacks have no pockets to speak of, so I'd gotten into the habit of carrying my wallet, phone, coins and anything else in the aforementioned bag.  I've often jokingly referred to this bag as my "man purse".  Sometimes this generates some ribbing, but it's all in fun, and I just smile my way through.

During the time I was out of work, my Green Dot card lapsed from non-use, and I've yet to sort out a new banking option since I started the new job.  One week I cashed my paycheck, and the very next day someone went through my bag at work and stole the cash.  No one understood why my wallet wasn't in my pants.  No one questioned my gender, but I got a lot of funny looks.  A couple of people asked me point-blank why I didn't carry my wallet in my pants.  I just told them it was an old habit.  That same day I received my new uniforms, including two pairs of khaki pants.  Since that time, I've gone back to carrying my wallet in my pocket.  No one has robbed me since, but what's the cost to my sense of self?

I've spent the last weeks plotting my return to the world en femme.  You'll remember that I was planning to do so back in August, but the time got away from me.  I had planned to go out for the Skeptics' event last weekend, but a series of mishaps caused me to miss my bus, and I wasn't able to secure another ride, so I didn't go out.  There's a reception Friday night for a show opening at the FSU Museum that I'm planning to attend. The show is called "Cute and Creepy".  Sounds like it's right up my alley, doesn't it?

The various elements of my femme wardrobe are scattered hither and yon, with most of my clothes and shoes at the store in Havana, and my purses and other bags at the storage site here in Tallahassee, which we can't get into at the moment.  Yesterday I browsed the clearance racks at Target looking for a purse.  I found a cute bag at the right price, but I wavered on actually buying it, because it's PINK.  For some reason I've never been comfortable with that color.  I think it goes back to childhood, when the color was associated with sissies.  That was a long time ago, and I know the color has acquired lots of positive connotations in the meantime.  Pink is associated with the breast cancer awareness/cure campaign.  I've just never been comfortable wearing it.  Am I strong enough to bear a pink bag?  We'll see.  I'm going back to Target this afternoon to buy the purse.

Before I go, I thought I'd share links for the art show and other related topics.

Cute and Creepy
The curator's site
Susan G. Komen for the Cure

Jesus, Queen of Heaven

It seems the producers of this play in the UK are getting blasted for daring to portray Jesus as a transsexual.

http://www.tron.co.uk/event/jesus_queen_of_heaven/

Cheesing off the religious establishment? That's my game all over. Such a shame it's not playing on this side of the pond.

Naturally, when I saw this, I thought of Tori Amos. From Boys for Pele, the song "Mohammed, My Friend":

"Mohammed, my friend/It's time to tell the world/We both know it was a girl/Back in Bethlehem"

God's Demon

This was originally meant to be incorporated into the previous post, but I forgot. I fell out with Christianity a long time ago, but I have always been fascinated by its mythology. The Judeo-Christian concept of the War in Heaven is gripping stuff. I first heard of it in horror movies, but information in the Bible was scarce. When I was a junior in high school, we read Milton's Paradise Lost. For all that it was Renaissance poetry, written in imitation of classics like The Iliad, it read like a steampunk science fantasy novel. The first book, dealing with Lucifer and the Fall was riveting. The second book, dealing with Adam, Eve and the Fall of Man, was less so. I haven't read it in years, nor thought of it overmuch.

Last week while I was off, I trekked over to Churchland, to visit the Book Owl used book store. I had a pile of books taking up space, and I was looking for something new (to me at least) to read. I sort of tripped over God's Demon. The book was written and published in 2007 by the artist Wayne Barlowe. Some of you might be familiar with his earlier works, Barlowe's Guide to Extraterrestrials, or his alien travelogue Expedition. A more recent work was Barlowe's Inferno, which illustrated various places and personages of Hell. God's Demon grew out of that work. Sargatanas is a Demon Major, one of the angels who sided with Lucifer against Heaven. He is cruel and terrible, all of the things a Lord of Hell is meant to be, yet secretly he yearns for redemption, to return to the Above. Eventually he foments a rebellion in Hell, promising to lead any demon or human soul back to Heaven.

This isn't a review, as such, because I haven't finished the book. I just wanted to share. A word of warning, though. It is NOT for the faint of heart. There are scenes of stomach-churning intensity. There are some illustrations on the author's website, and extrapolating from those has given me fodder for many nightmares.

I suppose a link is in order.

http://www.godsdemon.com

Eye of the Beholder Art Show

I heard about this show via my friend De's blog. I used to go to art shows of some sort all the time when I was in Charlotte. I decided it was time.

I was originally going to dress up a bit for this thing. I had a Torrid corset-style top picked out, with skinny black jeans and heels. Then I thought about it. The Hershee's a pretty casual place, from what I remembered. I changed into blue jeans and a tank top, with wedge sandals. When I first got there, it seemed like I had made the "right choice". Then I got to the back of the club, where the art show was, and there were a ton of people back there in goth/punk gear. Not everyone, mind, but enough that I wouldn't have stood out.

I stood out anyway. I was easily the tallest person in the building, and I was wearing those wedges to boot.

There was some beautiful art there. I really wish I could have afforded some of it.

The only person there that I knew was the hostess, and I only know her as a friend of a friend. I did run into a whole slew of people who thought I was somebody else. That's always fun. Then I attracted the attention of this really drunk dude. He really wanted me. In a bad way. "You're a big sexy thing, aren't you? I bet you get that all the time." Ehh, not really. "Please take your hand off my breast." I suppose I should have felt offended, but I was laughing too hard.

I don't do the bar thing too often. I can only take so much cigarette smoke before I have to go, and after an hour or so, I bailed.

On the way home, I stopped into the Walmart Supercenter for some groceries. I think I frightened a few of the other shoppers, but I just smiled and kept on going. When I left, this guy came up to me, and I thought he was going to start something, but Security conveniently rolled up and asked him to shift it. Whew!

Lots of Stuff to Come

It's only been two days since my last post, but it feels like it's been forever. Perhaps that's because of all that's happened in those last couple of days.

Thursday, I went to see Star Trek, so there will be review. I finished reading Charles de Lint's latest, The Mystery of Grace, and that means another review. Friday night, I went to the Eye of the Beholder art show at the Hershee Bar. Today, I spent all morning and most of the afternoon helping De move.

Somewhere in the middle, I completed the campaign in Halo 3.

Lots to talk about, and I will, but I have to work tonight, and if I don't catch a little nap in the middle here, I'll be no good to anyone.

Laters.