Another Year

That wasn't supposed to happen.  I let six months elapse between blog posts, though I suppose that's somewhat appropriate, being that the last message was entitled "Six Months".  Ba-dum tish.  I wish I could say that I've been busy, but that's only partially true.  The truth is, I've been distracted, by all manner of things.  I wanted to post a few different times in the interim, but I could never get my thoughts organized quite to my satisfaction.  I was also having trouble trying to describe events without making the participants (myself included) sound like assholes.

I managed to go the whole year without a proper job.  Along the way I learned that my not getting hired was not due to my credit history, but a criminal charge I was completely unaware of.  Suffice to say, I now have a misdemeanor conviction for fraud, for which I am currently on probation.  I also have court costs and other fees to pay, but at least I'm not in jail.

In August, I narrowly escaped becoming homeless.  My therapist helped me apply for a berth in a reputable homeless shelter, but I needed someplace to crash until said berth opened up.  My friends Troy and River stepped up and let me stay in their spare bedroom for about a month.  Around the same time, River's dad entered the hospital.  He's 91, and suffers from a lot of things, but is hobbled by dementia.  I spent a night with him in the hospital, and we hit it off somewhat.  When he was released, he needed someone to stay with him 24/7, and I was asked to take on the job.  That gave me both a place to live and some income.

Having a base and spending money brought my femme self back out of the closet.  My housemate accepted me as a woman, and I've spent the last three months sliding back and forth between my personae.  I've presented myself as male when I needed to, as when I appeared in court, reported to my probation officer, etc, and have tried to spend the balance of my time en femme.  I've expanded my wardrobe, and made new friends and contacts.  I've met with a lot of acceptance, but also weathered a bit of ribbing and more recently, some nasty street harassment.  It's ironic.  In the last couple of weeks, a number of drivers or passengers have rolled alongside me to shout something, but they're going too fast or something, because I've not understood a word of it.  I hear the tones, and I know derogation when I hear it, but other than a muttered "faggot" and a lot of laughter, I haven't heard the substance of most of the slurs.  I guess my MP3 player is good for hearing protection after all.  ;)

Anyway, as I enter the new year, I find myself almost returned to my situation of a few months ago.  My aged companion has announced that he is ready (at long last) to enter assisted living, and when he goes, I will be back out on the street.  Maybe the shelter will still take me in.  I'm just not sure how I want to go.  When I first applied, I was looking at going into the male dorm.  All my feminine trappings were in storage, and I didn't know when I'd see them again.  I was willing to put up with that experience to keep a roof over my head.  After the freedom of this last season, I am not sure that I am willing to go without.  I don't think I am feminine enough to get a spot in the female dorms, but I don't know if I can put on the rough airs I might need to weather the male spaces, either.

Whatever happens in the near future, I will try to do better at updating this blog on a regular basis.

Six Months

Today marks six months (to the day) since I lost my last job.  I've had three interviews in as many weeks, but none of them have amounted to anything.  One of the jobs did lead to a job offer, but then I didn't pass their background check.  Apparently credit checks are now employers' great equalizer.  Never mind that poor pay and unemployment contribute to people getting behind on their bills.  Bad credit means one is not trustworthy, so these checks are used to deny employment.  Big, theatrical SIGH.

It's also been almost three months since the last time I got out of doors en femme.  My therapist has been waiting for me to come back to her dressed, but the opportunity hasn't really presented itself.  Next week I might make the effort, if only to see if my makeup can withstand the wicked humidity we get here.  I wasn't sure I could last this long, but my ongoing unemployment has altered the limits of everything I feel that I might have to endure.

Not all my news is bad.  I was at Apalachee Center a couple of weeks back getting a scrip refilled, and I stepped onto a scale in the nurse's office.  I'm down to 185 pounds.  That's the lightest I have been since high school.  I'm still a tetch over what I should be according to the Body Mass Index, but if I can keep the rest off, a tetch is acceptable.

The Search Continues

After last week's upset, I thought I might stumble in my job search.  Not to worry.  I've filled out at least one application nearly every day since then, and I had an interview this morning, with another lined up (with a different employer) tomorrow morning.  I'm going to beat this.  As with everything else, there is no way but forward.

Definitely Not

All that fuss of a few weeks ago turned out for nought.  I went back to the business to see exactly what had become of my application/background check, and was told that I had been declined, based on something discovered in the course of the check.  They declined to hire me, based on the findings of an anonymous third-party agency.  When I asked why, they couldn't tell me, so it's all on the anonymous agency.
That's okay.  I didn't want to work there anyway.

Bullshit.  I'd take anything on offer at this point.  Crap jobs, shit jobs (and there is a difference), anything available, so long as they pay something.

The last time I was out of work this long, I started thinking about self-harm.  That's enough of that.

Or Maybe Not

Last week, I went for an interview at the place that I thought had hired me.  They told me to come back Monday morning for a second interview.  I went there prepared to interview, along with another candidate.  Instead of an interview, I found myself (and the other fellow) filling out a slough of new-hire paperwork.  WTF?  I've been out of work since December, so I didn't let it faze me.  After a brief run-through of the documents, they told me to come back Tuesday and begin training.

Tuesday morning I went in prepared to train, only to be told that they weren't quite ready, and "Could I please come back at 1700?".  I went back to my sister's store and chilled out for a few hours.  I went back to the job site in the afternoon, only to be told that I can't begin my training until my background check comes back.  One of the trainers made me a milkshake, so it wasn't a totally wasted trip.  They told me to come back on the morrow, at the same time.

Wednesday I trundled out there only to discover that I still couldn't train, because the background check hadn't come back.  Worse still, no background check was submitted because that form was missing from my new-hire packet.  I filled out the missing form, and now I'm waiting.  My background is clean, so I'm not worried about anything, but it's frustrating to have been so close to work again, only to be forced to wait.  Have I ever mentioned how much I hate waiting?

Back to the Old Grind

I finally found a job.  If I had known how easy getting this one would be, I would have applied ages ago.  Mind you, it isn't what I envisioned for myself when I ended up out of work, but hey, a job is a job.

Their application says that the company does not discriminate against all of the usual things (race, nationality, religion, etc.) with regard to their hiring.  In addition, they do not discriminate against "sexual preference and sexual identity".  That doesn't help me right this minute, but if I continue to work for them, it may come in handy down the road.

This company also has rather strict guidelines about how employees are supposed to communicate about the business and their practices, and I plan to comply, so for the time being, I don't think I will even reveal where I'm working.

Yes, I Am Alive

I really didn't mean to go another month without posting, but life has a way of interfering with plans.  The cable's off at home, so I've been getting by on public terminals (That's a Mass Effect 2 reference, if anyone cares).  My job search continues, so far without any positive results, but I am still hopeful.

My therapy was on hold for a few weeks because Cassandra was traveling, but we had a good session yesterday, and we're back on schedule for the next couple of months.  Remember that "chuffed" feeling I had a while ago?  When I arrived yesterday, the receptionist let her know by saying, "Jaye is here for her appointment".  It's nice to be known as myself.

I'm Walkin'

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before all the walking I do.  Some of the walking I do is necessary.  For instance, the nearest bus stop to home is 1.4 miles away,  I do this particular walk four or five times per week, either going to the stop, or heading home.  I've reached a point where I can usually do this distance in about twenty minutes.

That's what I did today, but it wasn't fast enough.  I got held up waiting for traffic at the crosswalk at Capital Circle.  As I crossed the road, I saw my bus (early, naturally) making the turn into the stop, and it pulled away before I could catch up with it.  The next bus wasn't due for another forty minutes.  The routes don't sync up on the weekends the way they do on weekdays, and I was worried that I'd miss the transfer bus which carries me to work.  I made a snap decision, and started walking toward the connection stop.  I wasn't sure of the distance.  I wasn't certain that I could make it, but I wasn't willing to hang around and take my chances with the next bus.

Google Maps tells me that the distance from my usual stop to the transfer point is 2.7 miles.  I did that walk in a little under forty minutes.  I made it to the stop with about ten minutes to spare.  A few minutes after I arrived, so too did the bus I was afraid would miss the transfer.  It arrived about five minutes before the bus I wanted to catch, even though the schedule shows it arriving later than that bus.  I could have waited, I suppose, but I would have missed a heck of a walk.

The weather was beautiful today.  It was sunny and hot, but there was a nice breeze.  The last couple of times I went walking, it rained.  Not so today.  I did get a bit hot, especially toward the end of my walk, but the activity felt good.  This was my second outing in a pair of sneakers I picked up at Payless this week.  I think they're well broken-in now.

Of Bags and Gender

This post has been brewing for a while.  The seeds were planted last month, but the material didn't reach a meaningful conclusion until yesterday.  I'll try to make some sense here.

Back in the late 90s I began to carry a shoulder bag back and forth to work.  This came about because I gradually felt the need to carry more and more items to work at my various positions.  I began carrying a bagged lunch.  Then I added a notebook, a cellphone, a handful of small tools and various odds and ends.  There have been a number of these bags.  I've had tote bags, a couple of satchels, and a succession of laptop bags that have rarely carried laptops.

During the same period my working wardrobe began to evolve.  I've mentioned before how limited my male wardrobe has become.  At positions where uniforms weren't provided, I've worn my own clothes, usually a combination of male button-down shirts with female slacks.  Most of those slacks have no pockets to speak of, so I'd gotten into the habit of carrying my wallet, phone, coins and anything else in the aforementioned bag.  I've often jokingly referred to this bag as my "man purse".  Sometimes this generates some ribbing, but it's all in fun, and I just smile my way through.

During the time I was out of work, my Green Dot card lapsed from non-use, and I've yet to sort out a new banking option since I started the new job.  One week I cashed my paycheck, and the very next day someone went through my bag at work and stole the cash.  No one understood why my wallet wasn't in my pants.  No one questioned my gender, but I got a lot of funny looks.  A couple of people asked me point-blank why I didn't carry my wallet in my pants.  I just told them it was an old habit.  That same day I received my new uniforms, including two pairs of khaki pants.  Since that time, I've gone back to carrying my wallet in my pocket.  No one has robbed me since, but what's the cost to my sense of self?

I've spent the last weeks plotting my return to the world en femme.  You'll remember that I was planning to do so back in August, but the time got away from me.  I had planned to go out for the Skeptics' event last weekend, but a series of mishaps caused me to miss my bus, and I wasn't able to secure another ride, so I didn't go out.  There's a reception Friday night for a show opening at the FSU Museum that I'm planning to attend. The show is called "Cute and Creepy".  Sounds like it's right up my alley, doesn't it?

The various elements of my femme wardrobe are scattered hither and yon, with most of my clothes and shoes at the store in Havana, and my purses and other bags at the storage site here in Tallahassee, which we can't get into at the moment.  Yesterday I browsed the clearance racks at Target looking for a purse.  I found a cute bag at the right price, but I wavered on actually buying it, because it's PINK.  For some reason I've never been comfortable with that color.  I think it goes back to childhood, when the color was associated with sissies.  That was a long time ago, and I know the color has acquired lots of positive connotations in the meantime.  Pink is associated with the breast cancer awareness/cure campaign.  I've just never been comfortable wearing it.  Am I strong enough to bear a pink bag?  We'll see.  I'm going back to Target this afternoon to buy the purse.

Before I go, I thought I'd share links for the art show and other related topics.

Cute and Creepy
The curator's site
Susan G. Komen for the Cure

Current Events

Has it been a month again?  I'm starting to think I should change the title of this blog again, if only to reflect its episodic nature.  "Jaye-Walking: Only Published As Often As the Author Can Collect Her Thoughts."  Hmm.  That doesn't roll off the tongue quite as trippingly as it could.  Anyway, more about me.  ;)

Note that in the above paragraph I referred to myself in the feminine.  I may live my day-to-day as a man, but I'm definitely in a more feminine frame of mind.  Speaking of feminine frames, I've lost weight.  I'm told that eight hours a day on your feet will do that for you, but I've been walking a lot lately, too.  I'm learning my way around the Tallahassee transit system, and it's getting me where I need to go, but the nearest boarding points are a nice three-mile hike from the house.  All the exercise is good for me right?  I'm also sleeping and eating better, too.  I haven't abandoned the junk food (y'all know me better than that), but I haven't been gorging myself, either.  In case anyone's counting, I weighed in this afternoon at 200.

I'm still taking my meds, but I haven't been to see any doctors yet.  When I first went to the hospital, I was staying in Havana, so my case worker lined me up with a clinic in nearby Quincy.  I don't have my own transport, and my sister's been down to one car for most of the last six weeks, so it's been hard to get anywhere that's not on the bus line.  I will call her tomorrow and see if I can reschedule for something here in town.  I would have done it sooner, but my cellphone has been weird lately.  It has the annoying habit of switching itself into airplane mode unbidden.  I didn't even know what that was until yesterday, or how to turn it off, and almost a week with no cellphone was more annoying than the same period with no antidepressants.

While I'm talking about cellphones, it's time to get a new one.  Somewhere I have a New Yorker cartoon that shows a woman in a store asking for a phone "that doesn't do anything".  That was me for a long time.  A phone was just a communications device, for voice talking and nothing else.  Slowly, I twigged to all of the other things phones can do these days, and I learned the concept of phone envy.  I was using a nice 3G phone that had been confiscated from one of my nieces.  That niece was given phone privileges again and I received a downgrade.  I'm not a phone snob, by any stretch, but when this line comes up for renewal next month, I'm getting a new phone if I have to pay for it.

I really need to do some shopping.  I trolled through the mall again a couple of days ago, and saw some of the prettiest clothes I've seen in ages.  If I'd been dolled up to shop, I might've gotten to try some things on, but I barely got the time of day from the salespeople I interacted with.

Let's end this thing on a positive note, shall we?  Friday afternoon I was browsing in the local Big Lots, trying to not buy anything (my latest pastime).  The in-store Muzak system started to play Feist's "1234".  It's such a happy, jaunty song, and I started to dance around the store.  It was just a little soft-shoe at first, but by the second verse I was actually dancing through the aisles.  I couldn't help myself.  I was goofy and giddy and I didn't care.  One can only imagine what the guy watching the security feed was thinking.  C'mon, you know you want to join me.

Facebook: Actually Good for Something After All

I have gone on, at length in this blog about my love/hate relationship with Facebook.  Some of the changes they've made in the last year are mind-boggling (at least to me).  Don't get me started on they way they integrated chat with messaging.

In all the hubbub of the past week, I forgot an event I should make note of.  Last Monday I was scheduled to work the audit shift.  Due to the proverbial series of unfortunate events, all of my sister's vehicles were deadlined.  The last public bus running that way left around the time I discovered the cars were all out.  I didn't have the money for a taxi, and one of my managers said she could come to get me, but I'd have had to spring for gas.  As a last-ditch maneuver, I posted my situation on Facebook, and asked if anyone in my Tallahassee circle of friends could convey me to work.

The first comments to my Status update were people from parts elsewhere, wishing me luck, or telling me that if only they still lived in Tally, they'd be happy to take me.  After an hour of that, I began to despair of finding a ride.  Then I got a comment from one of my local friends, someone I befriended through the Tallahassee A's, but had yet to actually meet.  She asked me where I lived, where I had to go, and when I had to be there.  Over the next hour, we sorted all of that out, and she drove over a little after 10pm to pick me up.

I was pretty sure that I had posted at some point that I was skosh cash, but it ended up being somewhat of a surprise.  I have promised to buy her drinks at the next Skeptics' outing, or any other time she chooses, so we're sort of squared away.

So I got to meet someone who's pretty cool, and got a ride to work in the bargain.  I'd like to think that that might be the future of social networking: not merely for connecting people, but for helping them get the things they need.

Getting Back Into It All

I've gone almost a month without updating this blog.  I didn't mean to, but I have been busy.  I started that hotel job I wrote about, and that has consumed a lot of my time.  I spent most of the first two weeks training, learning about the new company and updating my computer training, but now I'm back to work full-time.  I like this company, and they seem to like me.  They certainly don't seem to mind asking me to work.  I've been asked to come in early, stay late, and fill in on otherwise off days, so long as I don't go into overtime.  They even asked me to come in and cover a couple of audit shifts, though they're not asking me to work those on a regular basis, because I don't want to work then.  No one I've worked for the last few years has been that accommodating of my wishes.  I'd definitely like to stay on here.

With work came my first paycheck in six months.  It didn't last very long, but it got me a few necessities, and also financed my first night out in a long time.  The Tallahassee A's crossover sometimes with a local skeptics group, and they have a monthly outing called Skeptics in the Pub, which is currently held at a local watering hole called The Fermentation Lounge.  Actually, calling the Ferm a hole of any kind is demeaning.  I've never had a bar that I thought of as mine, but the Fermentation Lounge is in the running to become mine in Tallahassee.  Keeping in mind that I recently began taking antidepressants, I resolved to keep my drinking to a mininum, and I was successful.  This isn't a bar where one can order Budweiser or similar more common beers.  They run more to local brews and home creations, and their selection varies almost from night to night.  They carry beer, wine and other beverages like cider and meads.  I started out drinking a brew I forgot the name of, but that tasted strongly of tangerines.  Afterwards I switched to cider, and I finished my night drinking non-alcoholic ginger beer.

Saturday night was supposed to be my first outing en femme, but I ran out of time getting ready, so I went out in my usual male guise.  It was a good time, though.  I got to see several people from the A's that I haven't seen for a couple of months, and I met some new people as well.  We had a good time talking about all sorts of things, and I went home happy.  I definitely need to do stuff like that more often.  I need to come out en femme the next time, if only to visually offset the overwhelming male majority on outings like these.

20/20 Hindsight

I lost my job in February, and I didn't understand why.  I now think that I know, and the knowledge is eating me up inside.

A brief timeline of events:

August 2009 - Written up at work for wearing earrings and nail polish.

April 2010 - Started at BLANK.  Quickly scanned through the employee handbook, found no prohibition against males wearing earrings, and the only reference to nail polish says it must be neat and in neutral colors.

May 2010 - One evening I came into work wearing a pair of small studs.  The front office manager said they were okay.  A couple of weeks later, the Leon County Commission votes to add sexual preference, gender identity and expression to the classes protected by the County's civil rights ordinance.  The ordinance specifically prohibits discrimination in employment and all forms of accommodation (housing, hotels, restaurants, etc).

December 2010 - I was written up for a couple of errors I made.  Around the same time I got my acrylic nails and French manicure.  I had to endure a little good-natured ribbing, but no one complained about my appearance (at least that I know of).

February 2011 - I was fired, allegedly in response to some other error I had made.  I didn't understand what they told me.  I told them that if I had made a mistake, I should be allowed to try to fix it.,  As a consolation, the manager tells me that I've done good work there, and offers to provide me with a reference if I need one.

I talked to my father on Sunday.  I called to wish him a Happy Father's Day.  It was the first time we really talked in almost a year.  He told me that he accepts my crossdressing, but wonders if that somehow influenced the way I was fired.  I told him that was impossible.  I haven't been out anywhere en femme since I came to Tallahassee.  "What about your nails?" he asked.  I didn't think that had been an issue, but it could have been.  The company I used to work with is very sensitive to guest commentary.  What if someone noticed my manicure and said something about it?  If someone chose to make an issue of my appearance, that could have trumped all other considerations, and the anti-discrimination policy be damned.

Sadly, all this feels correct.  I don't know what this means.  I don't think there's any legal recourse.  Florida is an at-will employment state.  Employment can be ended by either the employee or employer at any time with no explanation.  Once again, it's nice to know where one stands.

Developing Stories

Apart from the aside about embracing advertising, my last post was full of doom and gloom.  I haven't solved all of my problems yet, but there has been some progress.

Friday my sister and her husband signed an intent to purchase agreement for a new house (new to them, anyway).  It's a big place on a couple of acres, with a pool and some of the trimmings, but it won't be ready for them to move into until August, probably.  They won't have to leave their current place until the first of July, almost two weeks from now.  The new place doesn't really have room for me, so I'm still hunting.  I'm going to the atheist meeting tomorrow, to see the only other people I know in Tallahassee.  Hopefully someone will have a lead for me.  Sara, I've tried to contact the Big Bend Homeless Coalition.  I called every few minutes for hours one day, and only ever got the admin assistant's voice mail.  As Malcolm Reynolds once put it, "I ain't waiting for help from on high.  That's a long wait for a train don't come."  I'll get through this one way or another.

On a positive note, I had another interview Friday afternoon.  I feel the best about this interview of any of them.  If I get it, I'll be going back on the night shift and working Sunday to Thursday.  I'll have weekends free for stuff again.  I really hope to hear from these people again next week.

Where I Stand

No more hemming and hawing.  No dissembling allowed here.

Once again I find myself in a hole that I do not know how to dig my way out of.  In short: I need help.  I am unsure how to get the help I need, and am even less certain of whom to ask or how to ask them.

As I have previously stated, I have been out of work since February.  I have filled out numerous applications, e-mailed resumes and made phone calls.  After four months, I still have nothing to show for my efforts.

I was kicked out of the guest house I had been renting in March.  Since that time I've been sleeping on a mattress at my sister's house.  It's not been a perfect solution, but I've had a roof over my head, food to eat and net access.  This situation is, alas, coming to an end.

My sister and her husband have been renting a double-wide trailer since December.  It's cramped and nothing works like it should.  After months of disputes with their landlord, they have elected to move out, but they have yet to secure another permanent place to live.  They've been hashing out alternatives including hotel rooms and campgrounds.  None of these is exactly cheap, but it's better than nothing.  The problem for me, in this situation, is that prices for these places go up incrementally in relation to how many people are staying in them.  My sister has eight children and a manny, plus two dogs and five inside/outside cats.  That doesn't leave a lot of leeway for me.  In another seven days or so, I won't have a place to live.

This is quickly becoming the story of my life: I live for a time in a place until circumstances make it impossible to live there anymore, and I end up having to move away and start all over again someplace new.  That's what happened in 2007, when I moved back to Virginia from Charlotte, North Carolina.  January 2010 found me reluctantly moving to from Portsmouth, Virginia to Tallahassee, Florida.  I've considered moving again, either back to Virginia or to Charlotte.  I have pleasant memories and a few friends left in each location.  This should be easy, right?

Sometime before I came to Florida, my father had told me I could live with him and his new wife.  That was before he permanently moved in with her in Elizabeth City, North Carolina.  Since they've been married, my father has grown somewhat distant.  I haven't talked to him since last spring, and any contact we've had has been initiated by me.  Sometime between then and now, Dad dropped off of my Facebook friend list.  I tried to call him yesterday just to talk.  I wasn't going to ask for money or anything stupid like that; I just wanted advice from my father.  No one answered the phone, and no one has returned my call.  Dad hasn't been the same since Mom died, but I'd hate to think that he doesn't want to associate with me anymore.

Because I've been out of work so long, I've got no money.  I also have no transportation.  I've been told that if I can secure a place in either location, or indeed anywhere, that I will be able to get a ride to wherever I'm going.  That is cool, but it's not much of a plan.  I am tired of being rudderless.  I just don't know what to do.  Does anyone have an idea?  A word of friendly advice?  Please let me know.

Some News

Another month goes by without a post from me.  I wish I could say I've been busy, but the truth is I didn't want to post anything here until I had something meaningful to say.  I hope today's missive fills the bill.

I went to another job interview yesterday.  Yes, I went to a job interview on Saturday.  I thought it a little odd, but the unemployed don't complain about interview times.  I was happy just to have been called in for one.  I feel good about this one.  It's another hotel position, this time at a hotel in Quincy, which is about half an hour west of here.  They told me I can expect a call next week, Monday or Tuesday.

On the social side of things, I've made some new friends via Facebook.  One of them has put me in an awkward spot, though.  A couple of weeks ago, Keith Olbermann activated a fan page on FB for his forthcoming show on Current TV.  Shortly after that, I got a Friend Request from another fan.  I've built friendships out of less substantial connections than shared love of a celebrity, so I accepted the request.  My new friend is a gentleman in New York.  We've chatted online a couple of times, and the chats are a little disturbing (to me, anyway).  He's only seen the handful of photos I have online.  He knows I'm transgendered, but I think he's under the impression that I'm full-time.  I wish I was, but I'm not at a place in my life where that is yet feasible.  In our chats he's been hinting at wanting something romantic.  He said something the other night about "spooning while we watch the fireworks" on July 4th.  He seems like a nice guy, but I'm not looking for a relationship, not even a long-distance one.  I don't want to lead him on, either.  I'm not a gold-digger.  His attention is flattering, but how can I let him down easy?

And All My Dreams, Torn Asunder

I've mentioned my income tax refund a couple of times in recent posts.  It's ironic.  Last year I made the least amount of money that I have in ten years or more, yet my refund was going to be the largest I've seen in that same time.  I wasn't planning too many extravagances.  I was going to give some of it to my sister, to help with her bills.  I was going to buy a new camera, and maybe an MP3 player.  On the practical side of things, I was thinking about a haircut, and maybe a manicure.  The rest I was going to sock away, to support myself during my ongoing unemployment.

This afternoon I got a letter from the Treasury announcing that my entire refund has been "offset".  I have a student loan in default, and the Department of Education has laid claim to any "Federal payments" owed to me.  They have actually declared their intent to "intercept" any such payments.  Jeez, they make it sound like my tax refund is a bomber trying to lay waste to my lack of wealth.  That's actually not a bad simile.  It's such a shame I don't need their protection.  The letter says I can contest the claim, but I can imagine how that will go.  Now that Ed know where I live again, I can expect a letter any day now asking when I plan to pay off the rest.

This is what I get for making plans.

Note: A lot of my recent posts have had titles from different things.  I might have another "Write for you" contest if anyone can tell me where they all come from.

All For Naught

All that fussing about my manicure, and I don't think I got the job.  I did catch one of my interviewers goggling at my hands a couple of times, but that's not why I didn't get it.  I'm good at what I do, and my skills are solid enough that most of my former employers have been willing to accommodate my eccentricities in exchange for my work.  It's just that my experience at the last place wrecked my confidence.  I've worked for micro-managers before: owners or managers who like to have their fingers in every aspect of the business, and don't trust their underlings to handle any decisions.  I didn't think they were like that when I was hired, but that's what they turned out to be in the end.

The second half of the interview consisted of the interviewers asking me about hypothetical situations.  I knew what was appropriate for all of the circumstances they asked me about, but I couched my answers in terms of "abiding by the preferences of my managers".  I'd say, "I would do X, but of course it would depend on the company's policy" or "I would work within the brand standards".

We talked about potential pay, but I just don't think I got the job.

After the interview, I looked online and I found an at-home method for removing my acrylic nails, but I don't think that would've made any difference.

Stuck In the Middle

There's no intentional musical reference today, though I forgive anyone for thinking of Stealer's Wheel, and apologize to anyone who gets this song stuck in their head.

I have been out of work since Groundhog Day.  I have been banging out resumes for each and every position I've seen on the web or off.  Two weeks ago I walked six miles back and forth to hand in applications at the nearest hotels to my current residence.  I've even applied in other cities, some two or more hours away, trying to find anything.  Today I got an email from the GM who posted an ad for a full-time front desk agent.  We have an interview tomorrow morning.

After jumping up and down for a moment, I scampered about assembling a suitable outfit for the event: blue shirt, black slacks, belt, tie and black shoes.  My hair's gotten a little long, but not outside the acceptable range for a gentleman in this age.  It's just that my nails have gotten a little scary-looking.

I got my last fill-in in February.  I was hoping to go back to work any day, but that didn't happen.  I wonder now if that last bit of money might have been better spent getting the acrylic removed.  My nails still look good, but the tips reach almost a quarter-inch from the ends of my fingers.  If I had a Dremel (it what they use in the salon), I could grind them down a bit and then file the ends, but I don't have one.

Then again, the gentleman conducting my interview tomorrow is Indian, so he may not have an issue.

I'll let you all know how it goes.

Oh, Well...

Remember that "good position with a decent company"?  I was summoned into work this afternoon for a "counseling session" wherein I was terminated.  Yeah.

Back in December I made a couple of minor mistakes.  I was called in for a counseling session, written up and told that the company really wanted to retain my services, so I should focus on improving my work and improving my interaction with guests and coworkers.  I've worked hard, and I thought I was doing well.  I haven't heard a word of negativity from anyone in the nearly six weeks since my write-up.

I was fired, but the company won't fight if I apply for unemployment.  Ironically, the GM, who handled my termination, said that he'd be happy to provide me with a reference.  No one who's ever fired me has given me a reference.  It's a little thing, but I'll take it.

I'm in the process of updating my resume, and I've got Craigslist open in another tab.  I've already seen a couple of positions that might be for me.