Monday, May 11, 2009

Not an Original Idea in My Head

I had a piece all laid out. A few years ago, while working the night shift, I started contemplating the weird relationship that seems to exist between pop music and the practice of stalking. I began to compile a list of songs, some overtly hostile, others more subtly sick. I found lots of fodder for my thinking. I was all set to post it yesterday, as the inaugural bit of my off-topic rants. I just wanted a reference for a song title I was going to mention. In the course of my search, I discovered a number of articles, already written on the subject. They cite all of the songs I listed, and a few more besides. "AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!" as Charlie Brown used to say.

As an adjunct to the stalking piece, I wrote a little bit about the music of Tori Amos. I love Tori Amos. What's not to love? She's a brilliant musician, maybe a little crazy, and a redhead to boot! She originally entered that line of thought because of a song that appears on her third album, Under the Pink. The song is entitled "The Waitress". I wanted to write a serio-comedy bit about playing her music, as a man. I thought it must be deliciously funny to be able to write and play some of the stuff she's written, being a woman. Can you imagine a man singing the following:

I want to kill this waitress
She's worked here a year, longer than I
If I did it fast, you know that's an act of kindness

But I believe in peace
I believe in peace, BITCH!...

See what I mean? A male player in a piano bar would be tossed out into the street, or worse.

Alas, I can't play a piano for anything, and the dream died.

1 comment:

  1. Despite kick ass lyrics, I don't seem to bend to Tori Amos. I love Big Wheel and the lyrics in Cocaine Blues shine on me and my proclivities..I mean just follow this:

    She's got you shaving your legs.
    You can suck anything but you know you wanna be me.
    Said put on your makeup. Boy you're your favorite stranger.
    And we've all like to watch, so shimmy once and do it again.

    That's the stuff my soundtrack is made of.
    I would love to read your stalky rock n roll piece. When done right, rock n roll is all about indulgence and what is more indulgent that allowing a turn on get way out of hand?

    You're one of my favorite columnists.