Color Me Disappointed

I'm afraid I slept through the President's gay rights meeting, but when I awoke I was all set to hear something about ENDA. No joy! I was looking forward to having Obama watching my back when I talk with the GM this morning, but it looks like I'm flying solo. It's comforting to know I have my brothers and sisters here with me in spirit.

I fiddled around with the header again. A while ago someone complained that they wanted to see my clothes and shoes and stuff. I've been meaning to oblige, but life keeps interfering. In the interim, I've presented the fruits of a two-week shoe buying spree I went on last year. I've bought shoes since, but not in such quantities, nor at that pace. The sad part is, most of those shoes have only been worn once, and a couple (the black platform pumps in the center and the blue metallics on the right) have never been out of doors at all. If there's anyone on the list that wears size 11 and would like them, let me know.

Obligatory Stonewall Post (or not)

Well, this has certainly been an eventful week. The governor of South Carolina confessed to cheating on his wife. Farrah Fawcett died, then Michael Jackson. Today is the fortieth anniversary of the riot at Stonewall, the so-called launch of the modern GLBT-rights movement. All of these events have been but minor blips on my personal radar.

Thursday afternoon, Spot got violently ill. He vomited, and vomited, and vomited. There were puddles of yack from one end of the apartment to the other. Finally the poor guy collapsed in one of those puddles. I gently lifted him out and cleaned him up. He spent most of the last two days sleeping. I thought he might die. Then, this afternoon, he started behaving like his old self again.

Through all the upheavals and changes of the last six years, Spot has been my one constant. I've got a good family, and wonderfully supportive friends, but Spot is my rock. If he didn't make it, I don't know what might've happened.

New Rights for Transgender Workers

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31517604/ns/politics-the_new_york_times/

I saw this on MSNBC.com this morning and thought I'd share. The changes only apply to federal workers, but it's a step.

False Alarm

For those waiting to hear the results of my talk with management, I fear you'll have to wait. I chickened out.

That's actually an over-simplification of things. I got up late for work Sunday night, and forwent taking a shower and shaving in order to get in on time. When Monday morning rolled around, I was fairly scruffy, and I didn't feel comfy discussing my feelings of gender ambiguity when my appearance so firmly cast me in one direction. I had time for proper grooming last night, so this morning I'll give it a go.

To be completely honest, I am a little frightened over this. One reason I waited so long last year was that I was hoping that ENDA would pass. It didn't, and the prospect of getting tossed out into the street with no recourse or protection is a little disheartening, to say the least. My current manager is a lot more open-minded than her predecessor, and I think she'll stand by me, but the owner may not give her the choice. I've just got to say something about this to someone in an official capacity before I pop.

Taking Care of Myself

We had a staff meeting on Thursday. One of the things we discussed was a new initiative started by our brand called "Take Care". They're trying to promote better behavior, in both staff and guests. It's a program in three parts: taking care of the environment, ourselves, and our coworkers. They're supposed to be putting up a "tree" in the break room, and we were given "leaves" to hang on the tree. On the leaves, we're supposed to write down how we plan to do each of those three things. As to the environment, I'm already actively involved in recycling of various things. I try not to drive anywhere that's close enough to walk to. I'm a team player at work, so I've got my coworkers covered. Taking care of me is where I slouch.

A couple of weeks ago I let it slip to the GM that I'm transgendered, but the conversation didn't advance beyond that point. I think it's time to have that talk, and I'm going to sit down with her Monday morning. Wish me luck.

AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

I just have a few things I need to get off my chest.

A trash can is not an ashtray.

A potted plant is not an ashtray.

A bathtub is not a toilet.

Thank you.

Out of My Mind

At least, I was.

Saturday morning I left work after a nine-day stretch. I lucked into a four-day weekend, Saturday to Tuesday. I was soo looking forward to it. Alas, I forgot that I had neither TV nor internet at home.

I spent Saturday out running errands. I went to the nail salon with the intention of getting the works. I thought better on the cost thereof and settled for getting my eyebrows done. Sunday I went to the Gender Expression Project's "Everything You Wanted to Know About Being Transgendered (but were afraid to ask)". That was pretty cool. The rest of my time off was a repeated cycle of sleep, reading (Stan Nicholls' omnibus edition of his Orcs trilogy), Xbox 360 (offline, of course) and watching assorted movies on DVD. That last was pretty cool, as I saw the Richard Donner cut of Superman II and the original Taking of Pelham 123.

Now I'm back to the old grind.

BTW, the photo to the right is one I shot of myself Sunday after returning from my outing. I know, the hair isn't the right style for my face, but my usual red piece is looking a little ratty, and I didn't have the funds to get another this go around, so I recycled this one. It's a little short, but it's fun and flirty.

I Am Become a Cliche

So I've mentioned here a time or three that the cable's down at home, so I'm forced to drag the laptop out and about to access the nets. Mostly I've done that at work, or the library, but this morning finds me in a Starbucks.

See, I'm blogging in a coffee shop. And I don't drink coffee! Instead I bought a "Vivanno Banana Chocolate" smoothie, which concoction was not half as nasty as it sounds, and a sour cream donut. I was lured in by the sign advertising "Free WiFi". Sucker!!!

It's not free. You have to have an AT&T email account, or T-Mobile, or else buy time via a Starbucks gift card. The gift card was the least expensive option, and I am now entitled to two free hours of WiFi access at any Starbucks each week. Whoo frakking hoo!

I came in here to sign up for Dish Network, as my relationship with the cable company has become untenable. I still haven't sorted out my internet service, but I'll have TV again in five days. Yea, progress!

Chastity Bono is a Transman

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31265918/ns/entertainment-access_hollywood/

Wow. I remember the furor when Chastity came out of the closet, twenty years or so ago. Now he's one of us. Welcome, Chaz!

Unable to Be Myself

I haven't been out en femme since the Eye of the Beholder show May 15th. The last couple of times I've been off, I've hoped to get a little "me time" out of doors, but it just hasn't happened. I'm closing in on the end of another nine-day stretch at work, and I'm going to be off this Saturday and Sunday, so I'm really looking forward to the weekend. I'm already planning to attend an event with the Gender Expression Movement (formerly known as New Life Transgender Outreach) Sunday, and I'm waiting with bated breath.

To exacerbate the situation, one of my coworkers has been peppering me with questions about being trans. Since my "coming out", she's been doing a little research, trying to understand what I'm going through. It's nice to be able to talk about stuff openly, but I wish I could work dressed the way I prefer.

The female version of the uniform isn't all that different from the male. There's a scarf instead of a necktie (and the scarf is optional). The striped blouse is prettier than the male equivalent. Other than that, it's just a shirt and pants. I'd be able to wear a little makeup (okay, a lot), though, and prettier earrings. And yes, I'd wear much less sensible shoes.

I used to frustrate the members of my support group in Charlotte. Almost without fail, they'd show up to our Saturday meetings in dresses or dressy skirt outfits. Most of the time, I wore jeans with a seasonally-appropriate top. I dressed for the weather and the time of day. I dressed mostly to draw less attention to myself. A woman of any sort draws attention to herself if she steps out on a Saturday afternoon in a skirt. People wonder who she is, and where she's going. I save my dresses for special occasions. I like to think that my dressing is more like that of a GG. I like skirts, but most of the time, you'll find me in jeans. That's just me.

One other tidbit that's stoked my sense of frustration is the reappearance of Jen, the transwoman who visited the hotel back in April. She's back in the States on government business, and has her evenings free for fun and games. As I arrived at work tonight, she was returning from dinner out with a friend. She came back down to the desk to visit with me a bit. She's seeing a doctor now, and seems a lot more comfortable in her skin than when I saw her last. She had some new clothes she wanted to show me, including some jean shorts that were really SHORT. She wore them with fishnets and a leopard-print top. She went on to tell me that her therapist told her that transwomen go through stages similar to a GG's growing up. She's in her teenager phase. I told her I could tell. We laughed.

It looks like I might have a little extra money to spend on myself this week, after I pay some bills. I haven't decided, but I'm either going to get my nails done at the salon, or buy myself some new hair. It's been two months since my last manicure/pedicure, and my eyebrows are positively bushy. My favorite wig is looking a little ragged, and no shampooing will restore it to its former glory. What do you all think?

Crossdressing: Ur Doing It Wrong

http://www.whiotv.com/news/19702434/detail.html

Saw this last night on Countdown, and laughed. Not that I look any better in a swimsuit or anything.

On the serious side of things, this fellow dressed up in a bathing suit and went out to do bad acts. The report says he was wearing the offending suit when the police came to arrest him. Could they not have taken the suit as evidence and asked him to change clothes? Was it necessary to make him do the perp walk in the suit? I know the police have a soft spot for anyone they deem to be a perv, but was the humiliation really necessary?

Attack of the Millipedes!

I was going to write something about my frustration at my inability to get out and about en femme, but I lost almost the entire train of thought when I spotted a millipede crawling out from under the desk. Then another, and another. And...

For those who don't know them, millipedes are little multi-legged creepy crawlies distantly related to centipedes. Gods, that sounded really technical, didn't it? I first spotted the little guys about a month ago. They're harmless, and only grow to be an inch or two long, but they're brown or black, and have dozens of legs, and wavy antennae, and this IS a hotel. I had a guest get all postal with me the other morning because he saw *GASP* a moth. I don't personally have problem with the little buggers. They're actually kinda cute, in a geeky way. But I can just see some guest going completely batshit crazy from seeing one in their bathroom, or on their bed.

Anyway, enough about work. I'll come back to this when my thoughts are a little more collected.

Incidentally, this is my 100th post to this blog.

Deep Thoughts from a Piece of Chocolate

I just grabbed a Dove chocolate out of the hotel pantry, and there was a message printed on the inside of the label:

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow."

Me, I plan to live forever, or die in the attempt. ;)

Nothing to Say Here

Just a couple of quotes.

"Better to say nothing and be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."

I think that one's Mark Twain, but I could be wrong.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything."

I got that one from my Mom, but I'm sure she heard it from someone else.

Vermont Program Helps Students Explore Gender Identity

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090607/ap_on_re_us/us_gender_identity

Ganked from Yahoo, obviously.

Where were programs like this when I was growing up?

Hello, Moon

Here I go, moaning about my camera again. There's a full moon tonight. I've tried to take photos of the moon nearly every cycle for the last year or so. The moon in the header tonight was shot with my Dad's Olympus D-550. It's just an empty circle, utterly featureless. Maybe it's the angle, but previous photos I've taken of the moon show shadows, even if only faintly.

On the other hand, empty is about how I feel right now, so I suppose it's wholly appropriate.

Bachelorette Party?

This weekend, the hotel is host to two wedding parties. When I came on at 2300, I observed a group of young women heading out as though to a club. They were dressed in outfits out of Flashdance - over-sized tees with tights or leggings, legwarmers and heels, except that the clothes were all in loud dayglo colors. One girl was wearing a "naughty" bride costume, sort of like the stripper version of Madonna's old "Like a Virgin" getup. I was checking in another couple when the young women left. I didn't say anything, but I did raise and eyebrow. The wife said, "Looks like they're going to a bachelorette party."

If you say so.

Do bachelorette parties have themes now?

DIY Manicure and Pedicure

I got my last salon manicure/pedicure two months ago today. I have not had the money since then. Nate had his lasy payday that week, and I've been paying for everything solo since then. In the meantime, my nails have gotten a little ragged. I let my hands go about a month before I trimmed my fingernails. They got really long. I let my toes go until this past weekend. I don't have all the tools they have at the salon, but I managed to make everything look okay.

My toes got two coats of Cover Girl "Blue You", a dark, metallic cobalt. My hands got two coats of OPI "Pink of Hearts", which is a really sheer pink.

I took pictures, but naturally I left my camera at home.

God's Demon

This was originally meant to be incorporated into the previous post, but I forgot. I fell out with Christianity a long time ago, but I have always been fascinated by its mythology. The Judeo-Christian concept of the War in Heaven is gripping stuff. I first heard of it in horror movies, but information in the Bible was scarce. When I was a junior in high school, we read Milton's Paradise Lost. For all that it was Renaissance poetry, written in imitation of classics like The Iliad, it read like a steampunk science fantasy novel. The first book, dealing with Lucifer and the Fall was riveting. The second book, dealing with Adam, Eve and the Fall of Man, was less so. I haven't read it in years, nor thought of it overmuch.

Last week while I was off, I trekked over to Churchland, to visit the Book Owl used book store. I had a pile of books taking up space, and I was looking for something new (to me at least) to read. I sort of tripped over God's Demon. The book was written and published in 2007 by the artist Wayne Barlowe. Some of you might be familiar with his earlier works, Barlowe's Guide to Extraterrestrials, or his alien travelogue Expedition. A more recent work was Barlowe's Inferno, which illustrated various places and personages of Hell. God's Demon grew out of that work. Sargatanas is a Demon Major, one of the angels who sided with Lucifer against Heaven. He is cruel and terrible, all of the things a Lord of Hell is meant to be, yet secretly he yearns for redemption, to return to the Above. Eventually he foments a rebellion in Hell, promising to lead any demon or human soul back to Heaven.

This isn't a review, as such, because I haven't finished the book. I just wanted to share. A word of warning, though. It is NOT for the faint of heart. There are scenes of stomach-churning intensity. There are some illustrations on the author's website, and extrapolating from those has given me fodder for many nightmares.

I suppose a link is in order.

http://www.godsdemon.com

You Shall Not Murder

I think I've made my views on religion clear enough here, but I am not above lifting the occasional religious material when it suits my purposes. The above is one of the biblical Ten Commandments. It's usually quoted as "Thou shalt not kill", but I prefer the other way.

I read the news last night and I almost choked. What year is it, 1989? 1995? I thought we were past the whole business of assassinating doctors associated with abortion. I don't usually talk about abortion. Much as I might wish it, I will never bear a child of my own, so I think that precludes me from having a say. That said, I completely support a woman's right to control of her own body. I wholeheartedly support any doctor who provides that kind of care.

Remember the furor back in the winter when the DHS issued its warning about right-wing extremism? This is the sort of thing they were talking about.

As with every other hot-button issue, this is being discussed and prognosticated upon by better writers than I am, so I'll leave it to them. I just wanted to let y'all know where I stand.

Down and Out

Just in case anyone is wondering, my internet is down at home, and will be for another ten days or so. Payday was last week, but I had the choice of either paying my rent or the cable bill. I decided I need a place to live more than I need TV or internet, so that's out till next week. I really wish I had decided to blow off the landlord...

Of course, I do most of my blogging from work, as I am now, so hopefully it won't have too much effect here. Nate let me drag the laptop into work last night so I could download all the latest gaming goodness from E3. There are trailers for 2 new Halo games, and one for Mass Effect 2, which looks like it's going to blow the doors off the first one.